Bull Riding

So being laid off I watch a lot of shitty TV these days. But one thing I always watch when I come across it, is Bull Riding. I fucking love it. It is the best thing on TV, well maybe other than America's Next Sex Starlet. If you have never watched Bull Riding you are missing out. Several reason why:

First of all I'm pretty sure this is how bull riding started

Cowboy 1: (after a pint of whiskey)"That is a big fucking bull. I bet I can ride that thing for five seconds for your pint of whiskey"

Cowboy 2: "You get my whiskey if you ride him for ten seconds"

Cowboy 1: "How bout 8 seconds?"

Cowboy 2: "Deal"

And that my friends, is roughly how bull riding was started.

Now, I was watching it, and this guy was one of the best riders in the contest, and was about half way through the season and he had only won 18,000 dollars. So let's think about this. Make 36,000 dollars riding a fucking bull for a living, or get an office job and ride a computer screne. I guess you could pick the bull if you are a god damn nutcase.

But the best part of watching this shit, is watching these morons get kicked in the head. These bulls are really fired up, and some jackass in a cowboy hat, is gonna jump on it's back and dig spurs into it's sides. Ya I would buck too. So when they finally get bucked off, I'm cheering for the bull to whip around and just fuck light up one of these morons. Just think, Manny Pacqauo mixed with Mike Tyson circa early 90's and add about a ton of weight. And then they are expecting those fucking dudes dressed as clowns (why are they dressed as clowns? who knows? why are people trying to ride bulls?) to get these bulls from destroying this son of a bitch that is trying to ride him. Good luck buddy, make sure you're makeup doesn't smeer.

This is also an added benefit of bull riding:

"WEEEEEEEEEEEE"

What is Wrong With the World?

Uhhhh...

Yesterday I came across a story about how a teenage boy was forced into suspension from his school bus because he farted. Today I witnessed a middle age woman, walk into a Chinese buffet, demand to try everything on the buffet, ask around a thousand questions on the ingredients of the buffet, and proceed to argue with the "waitress" about the difference between spring rolls and egg rolls. I put "waitress" in quotes, because I'm sure her two choices for employment when she came over were, 1) Sex Slave or 2) waitress in a Chinese buffet.

I don't know when everyone in America started taking themselves to seriously. I'm assuming 9-11 had allot to do with it. I assume the Bush Administrations terror level indicator and the Patriot Act is a piece of the serious pie. Maybe it's the Goo Goo Dolls fault. But when did we forget to laugh at ourselves? When did farting start not being funny?

There is no shortness of scary and bad stories out there. I'm a victim of the economy, AIDS is wiping out Africa, the Middle East is a mess. Lindsay Lohan is broke. And there is no shortage of news avenue's to report these tragedies. The 24 hr news cycle is as much at fault as Washington's shortcomings or Wall Street's greed.

All I'm saying, is that we don't need to be making problems where there is no problems to be made. There are enough things going wrong in this world, that we don't need to amplify them, by forgetting to laugh once in awhile. Laughter often, is truly the best medicine. I remember getting in a fight on my bus during grade school. Me and the other party were forced to go to the Principal's office and our parents were called. Did our parents get mad and scold us? Were we forced to go see a Shrink to decide what anger issues we had? Did they fill us full of prescription drugs to try and take the "edge" off? No. Our parents, who were, and still are, great friends, laughed in the meeting and said, "why are we here? That is what boys do, boys fight."

That is what we are missing today. We are missing that self realisation that not everything is tragic. Not every time a kid punches another kid it leads to Columbine. Most of the time it leads to really funny arguments about who won.

As long as everyone is so serious and the news outlets are so morbid, and parents are over involved, there will be no getting around this. Kids will be suspended for farting and middle age woman will over think a Chinese buffet. But I hope the kid that farted doesn't get the sense of humor squeezed out of him by his dumb ass school board, because lets face it, farts are, and will always be..funny.

Really?

My good friend at ryansandtigersandbears.com has already commented on this but I feel like I need to get my two cents in as well. Two tween favorites just had a kid and named it Bronx Mowgli.

Let that sink in.

So now that you have your head wrapped around it, let's dive into this situation. First of all Bronx one of your parents is the LESS talented Simpson sister. That is like being Frank Stalone. Your dad, in the most liberal sense of the word, admits to making out with dudes.

"Daddy!!??"

"Dad what is the difference between boys and girls?"

"Well Bronx. While girls are helpful on passing on your name, boys just know how to make your toes curl!!!!"

These two, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, like to pretend that they are musicians. Pete Wentz plays guitar for Fall Out Boy. While Fall Out Boy likes to think of themselves as an emo band, they are more, "my dad doesn't give me allowance" emo than anything else. I played drums on hard on Rock Band last night and I think that automatically gives me more talent than anybody in Fall Out Boy.

And Ashlee fucking Simpson. Ummmm...... She is so irrelevant I can't even think of anything to say about her. Except the fact that at least Jessica got the QB of the Dallas Cowboys. You got Pete Wentz. Have fun at Thanksgiving.

And let's not forget that the grandpa is Joe Simpson. Joe Simpson has probably already started to try and get a reality show for little Bronx and is trying to sell the birthing video. Talk about a scum bag. The guy used to be a preacher, now he has highlights. If the devil was to have a manager or agent the fight between Joe Simpson/Drew Rosenhous and Scott Boras would be dirty.

"Wink if you're a deusche"

So let's bring it back to little Bronx. Good luck in life. I hope the best for you, but I'm totally expecting the worst. Between your parents splitting up in the next year because grandpa thinks it is best for his girls career, your life will be shot. Your dad will end up fighting Prop 8 with his new life partner Zack Efron, while your mom's new penthouse shoot isn't as artistic as she thought it was going to be. And you my little horribly named friend, better get to know your shrink, bc you will be needing it. Often.

At least he won't have to worry about musical talent.

P.S.

"Bronx and the Hound premiering next fall on VH1 Celebreality"

getting away from the list for awhile.....

Some things that are on my mind...

Last night we Americans voted Barack Obama into our White House. I have cautious optimism about the future of our country. I think his ideas are poignant and hit home with many Americans. I also think a lot of his ideas are wishful thinking and hearsay that were meant to just get him elected. I don't think anybody wants to hear whether I support him or not, at this point it doesn't matter, I do however want everyone to go listen to John McCain's speech one more time. It was respectful, on point, and exactly what this country is in desperate need of. Republican, Democrat, Independent, Black, White, Homosexual, Straight, Male, Female, Christian, Jewish, Atheist. We need to forget how we want to define ourselves and figure out what inspires and connects us.

Almost Famous might be the greatest movie of all time. Not only is the acting phenomenal, it is a pseudo-biography, it is funny, it is heartfelt, it has a love story, it has a hero. It also might have the greatest soundtrack this side of Forrest Gump. How this movie isn't more popular is beyond me. Anybody that calls themselves a music fan has to put this movie in their top five movies of all time. I have always thought I was born in the wrong decade and Almost Famous is my proof. It also makes me wish I had some talent, but then again the music scene is so horrible these days it wouldn't matter. If you cannot relate to the bus "Tiny Dancer" scene you aren't human.

I have been told I spent way to much time thinking about this, but the new Killers song is horrible. After having it shoved down my throat over and over again by the radio stations I have come to the conclusion it is Disco music. It is dance music. It will sound good in a club. It is not rock music. Rock music is about emotion and life, that thing that the Killers just put out is about being mainstream and having to put out another album. There is no reason that the same band that put out Hot Fuss should be putting that single out. Hopefully the other new tracks from the new album will be more David Bowie and less Culture Club....

"nobody can explain Rock and Roll. Well maybe Pete Townsend..."

Alpha list of things I hate 2

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First of all.....

I have often in my life had the label of being a "hater." I also have been called angry, annoyed, pissy and several other adjectives that have to do with my perception of the world around me. So my friends, enemies, comrades, ex's, and general acquaintances I bring you Player Haters Ball. The name stolen from a Dave Chappelle skit, "I gotta put water in Buck Nasty MaMa's Dish," It will give you simple ramblings about what I hate at this moment and random mind farts on other subjects, such as music, movies, football etc. etc.

So people my first post i bring you an alphabetical list:

Art Schools- Really? You are going to spend asinine amounts of money so you can learn how to properly express your lack of allowance and how much you love long sleeve t-shirts on to a canvas. Nice scarf fag...

Bill Belichick- Feel free to smile, dick face. You have been in charge of a football powerhouse for the past several years. Your job isn't that important, quit looking like every time you lose Bob Kraft has to put you on suicide watch. What you should be worried about is people looking up your record without Tom Brady...

Crack- Crack is whack

Dingelberries- They hang there and you have to reach up there to get them out, then if you don't get them they get hard and pull out your ass hair. No? Nobody else? Well than I hate Dragnet..

Employment- Being unemployed is a lot better. At least until I have to pay bills

There will be more....