Bull Riding

So being laid off I watch a lot of shitty TV these days. But one thing I always watch when I come across it, is Bull Riding. I fucking love it. It is the best thing on TV, well maybe other than America's Next Sex Starlet. If you have never watched Bull Riding you are missing out. Several reason why:

First of all I'm pretty sure this is how bull riding started

Cowboy 1: (after a pint of whiskey)"That is a big fucking bull. I bet I can ride that thing for five seconds for your pint of whiskey"

Cowboy 2: "You get my whiskey if you ride him for ten seconds"

Cowboy 1: "How bout 8 seconds?"

Cowboy 2: "Deal"

And that my friends, is roughly how bull riding was started.

Now, I was watching it, and this guy was one of the best riders in the contest, and was about half way through the season and he had only won 18,000 dollars. So let's think about this. Make 36,000 dollars riding a fucking bull for a living, or get an office job and ride a computer screne. I guess you could pick the bull if you are a god damn nutcase.

But the best part of watching this shit, is watching these morons get kicked in the head. These bulls are really fired up, and some jackass in a cowboy hat, is gonna jump on it's back and dig spurs into it's sides. Ya I would buck too. So when they finally get bucked off, I'm cheering for the bull to whip around and just fuck light up one of these morons. Just think, Manny Pacqauo mixed with Mike Tyson circa early 90's and add about a ton of weight. And then they are expecting those fucking dudes dressed as clowns (why are they dressed as clowns? who knows? why are people trying to ride bulls?) to get these bulls from destroying this son of a bitch that is trying to ride him. Good luck buddy, make sure you're makeup doesn't smeer.

This is also an added benefit of bull riding:

"WEEEEEEEEEEEE"

What is Wrong With the World?

Uhhhh...

Yesterday I came across a story about how a teenage boy was forced into suspension from his school bus because he farted. Today I witnessed a middle age woman, walk into a Chinese buffet, demand to try everything on the buffet, ask around a thousand questions on the ingredients of the buffet, and proceed to argue with the "waitress" about the difference between spring rolls and egg rolls. I put "waitress" in quotes, because I'm sure her two choices for employment when she came over were, 1) Sex Slave or 2) waitress in a Chinese buffet.

I don't know when everyone in America started taking themselves to seriously. I'm assuming 9-11 had allot to do with it. I assume the Bush Administrations terror level indicator and the Patriot Act is a piece of the serious pie. Maybe it's the Goo Goo Dolls fault. But when did we forget to laugh at ourselves? When did farting start not being funny?

There is no shortness of scary and bad stories out there. I'm a victim of the economy, AIDS is wiping out Africa, the Middle East is a mess. Lindsay Lohan is broke. And there is no shortage of news avenue's to report these tragedies. The 24 hr news cycle is as much at fault as Washington's shortcomings or Wall Street's greed.

All I'm saying, is that we don't need to be making problems where there is no problems to be made. There are enough things going wrong in this world, that we don't need to amplify them, by forgetting to laugh once in awhile. Laughter often, is truly the best medicine. I remember getting in a fight on my bus during grade school. Me and the other party were forced to go to the Principal's office and our parents were called. Did our parents get mad and scold us? Were we forced to go see a Shrink to decide what anger issues we had? Did they fill us full of prescription drugs to try and take the "edge" off? No. Our parents, who were, and still are, great friends, laughed in the meeting and said, "why are we here? That is what boys do, boys fight."

That is what we are missing today. We are missing that self realisation that not everything is tragic. Not every time a kid punches another kid it leads to Columbine. Most of the time it leads to really funny arguments about who won.

As long as everyone is so serious and the news outlets are so morbid, and parents are over involved, there will be no getting around this. Kids will be suspended for farting and middle age woman will over think a Chinese buffet. But I hope the kid that farted doesn't get the sense of humor squeezed out of him by his dumb ass school board, because lets face it, farts are, and will always be..funny.